You’re a fool if you thought that painting represented reality.

Actually, the idiot standing before you is Samantha Switchblade Slingshot—or just Sam for short. And let me be clear: NOBODY calls her Samantha. Ever. Not once.


She will literally kill you if you call her this forbidden name.


Sam likes a lot of things such as getting cozy in the winter and eating delicious food. She has a huge interest in the paranormal, but she gets scared way too easily by creepy stuff and jumpscares. Sam also loves playing on her computer, but she’s afraid of starting new games because once she does, she has to complete them 100%, or else she might explode.

If Sam could wish for anything in the world, it would be an absurd amount of money. That is because, apparently, every decent job offering place out there can’t stand her “humble presence” for too long. For them, she’s nothing but a problem.